


All the Wrong Things (For All the Right Reasons)

by Dracavia



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Thor (Movies)
Genre: Comedy, Complicated Relationships, Daddy Issues, Drama, Dramedy, F/M, Flashbacks, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-13
Updated: 2013-09-13
Packaged: 2017-12-26 11:52:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 16,638
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/965618
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dracavia/pseuds/Dracavia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Having awoken in a strange cell, with no memory of how he got there, Tony Stark finds he has only a single reluctant ally to aide in his escape. When Loki agreed to give his help, there was no way he could have anticipated how things would turn out, or the very persuasive offer Tony would make him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	All the Wrong Things (For All the Right Reasons)

**Author's Note:**

> **Pairings:** Tony/Loki, background Tony/Pepper, hints of possible future Loki/Tony/Pepper, mentions of past Tony/Others  & Tony/Pepper/Other  
>  **Genre:** This story is one part comedy, one part drama and one part Tony's a heluva big flirt. Make of that what you will genre wise. ;)  
>  **Disclaimer:** I don't own the boys or any of the other Marvel characters, and sadly don't make a dime off any of them or their shenanigans. I'm just trotting them out for the amusement of myself and others.  
>  **Betas:** The lovely [June Hislop](http://junehislop.tumblr.com/) who agreed to look this over for me on short notice and got it back to me despite internet connectivity issues. Any remaining errors are entirely my own! Additionally thanks go to my wonderful wife, [Corcalamus](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Corcalamus/pseuds/Corcalamus), for letting me endlessly bounce ideas and dialogue off her. Your patience with my writing process will never go unappreciated!  
>  **Notes:** I'm going to disclaim up front my use of characters from comics cannon. I needed a minor villain or two to suit my purposes, but I've only read a very limited amount of the comics, so what knowledge I have mostly comes from the marvel wiki. There are also a couple of references made to potential events in Thor the Dark World. I don't feel they constitute spoilers since they are wishful thinking for the purposes of this plot, based off of some of the most widely known lines from the trailers.  
>  For additional author's notes see the end of the story.
> 
>  **Art:** The wonderful art for this story was drawn by **[maverikloki](http://maverikloki.tumblr.com)** and can be found **[here](http://maverikloki.tumblr.com/post/61071665348/he-pinned-the-iron-man-to-the-wall-with-an-arm)** and **[here](http://maverikloki.tumblr.com/post/61071870037/and-what-pray-tell-could-i-possibly-find-in)** , as well as placed in the appropriate scenes within the story.  
> 

Tony's head was pounding as he woke, and his first thought was that he'd better have had a damn good time the night before to make a hangover of this caliber worth it. His second thought, as he went to roll over and felt a body beside him, was that Pepper was going to kill him. Probably in the most tedious way she could find, just to spite him.

He didn't really do the whole sleeping around thing anymore. After more than a year in a mostly stable, generally happy, monogamous relationship with Pepper, he'd been surprised to find the temptation to stray really wasn't there. There'd only been two exceptions, and they'd both been Pepper-sanctioned, she'd even been involved in one of them. Their weekend with the hot cabana boy in Bali was never going to fail to bring a smile to Tony's face.

The problem now was that while Tony might not be able to remember how he got to wherever here was, he did remember that Pepper was at a conference in Tokyo for a week. So unless he'd lost four days, there was no way she was in New York with him. That meant whoever he was sleeping next to wasn't Pepper approved, so yeah, he was fucked, and not in the fun way.

"Finally, you are awake. I had begun to think our captors had done permanent damage to your fragile human form," said an all too familiar and scathing voice.

' _No, please no_ ,' Tony thought and opened his eyes to see the scowling visage of the God of Mischief. He couldn't possibly have been _that_ drunk, could he? He couldn't deny the aesthetic appeal when the guy was all dressed up in leather. It had a strange sort of old-world S &M thing going on that, if Tony was honest with himself, he found rather hot, but the _personality_. Well that certainly left something to be desired. Besides, _Pepper_.

As that thought faded from Tony's fuzzy mind, Loki's words finally sunk in and Tony frowned.

"Our captors?" He moved to sit up, but abruptly fell back with a hiss of pain, "What the hell...?"

"From the look of you, I would suspect you have some broken ribs. It would be best if you refrained from moving, unless you enjoy the sensation of a punctured lung." Tony tried to turn to look down at his side, and Loki continued in his bored tone, "Suit yourself then."

Despite what Loki's words implied, Tony really wasn't fond of massive internal injuries, so he moved slowly to lift his arm and look down at his ribs. His favourite Black Sabbath T-shirt had been shredded and exposed patches of his bruised left side. "So... definitely not a hangover then."

Loki rolled his eyes, "From the swelling lesion on your head, I believe a concussion is more likely. Of course until now I had thought you too thick-skulled for such an ailment."

"Gee, thanks." He looked up and found he was now the subject of Loki's intense green gaze. He noted a deep scrape on Loki's cheek with some satisfaction, at least he wasn't the only one injured. "So, any particular reason why you haven't done something about this yet?" he gestured to his damaged ribs.

Loki scowled, "Ah yes, I had forgotten for a moment that I was now your dog at beck and call." Tony's only response was to glare pointedly, so Loki continued on with a sigh. "I thought it prudent to conserve my strength, seeing as I was the only one of us conscious. Also, it would be easiest to assess which of your injuries most required attention once you awoke. If you had not regained consciousness shortly I would have had to reconsider whether it was the drug or the head injury keeping you that way, and expend effort in that regard."

Tony found himself having to grudgingly accept the merit of that analysis, though he refused to do so aloud. "Well, I'm awake now. So if you could fuse these ribs and do something about this impending migraine, I'm sure you'll find my presence significantly more useful."

"Given that thus far you have been of less use than the mattress we currently reside upon, that wouldn't be hard," Loki grumbled, though he did move to better examine Tony's injuries.

"Suddenly you fighting with a staff makes a lot more sense, given that stick up your ass." Tony really didn't appreciate being baited when half his chest was a mass of bruises and pain.

The look of confused irritation on Loki's face said clearly that while he didn't exactly understand the Earth euphemism, he was well aware it was an insult. "I assure you, there is no stick in my posterior."

"Shame, because if I ever met someone that desperately needed to get laid, I'm looking at him now." From the quirk of his brow, Tony guessed that one hadn't gone over Loki's head.

"Oh yes, because my options for a bed partner are seemingly endless while surrounded by SHIELD agents that fear and loathe me," he muttered irritably. "Now, if you're quite done insulting me, I believe I have some healing to do." Without further warning, he grasped the tattered edges of the T-shirt and tore the side further open to fully expose the injured ribs.

"Hey!" Tony protested in both surprise and indignation. "This is my favourite shirt."

"I believe you mean it was. The shirt was already ruined before I touched it. Now, if you would let me get on with things?" Loki sounded truly exasperated with Tony's antics.

Tony sighed, and then winced from the sharp pain that sent through his chest, "Yeah, get on with it." He knew what was coming from past experience, and while he didn't relish the thought, it would be better than his current situation in the long run.

With a moue of distaste, which Tony was certain mostly had to do with the indignity of being ordered around, Loki rested one hand over the lump on Tony's head and another on his side. Tony closed his eyes and gritted his teeth against the shock and pain as a cold feeling, strong enough to burn, raced through his nerves. He lost track of how long it lasted, but breathed a sigh of relief when the sensation was gone as abruptly as it had begun, and was pleased with how little ache it caused his chest this time.

"I would suggest you rest for a few more minutes, to let the magic dissipate, before you go moving about," Loki advised in a bored drawl.

"No worries, I'm good here for now," Tony grimaced. They reclined there in silence for a while before Tony gave voice to the other thoughts now crowding his head, "So, I don't remember how we got here. You?"

"No, neither do I. I believe we were rendered unconscious by some sort of aide that affects memory. Most likely a drug of some sort, whether chemical or magical I have not yet ascertained at this point. I have recalled more events as I waited for you to wake, but nothing that directly explains this."

"Right, so that's not much help yet, guess we'll have to wait and see what we remember. Moving on then to my other question, why haven't you just teleported us out of here?" Now that he was thinking clearly, without all the pain, that was at the forefront of Tony's thoughts.

Loki scowled deeply as he replied, "I have already tried. Something is blocking my ability to do so, and with the restrictions the All Father put on my magic before turning me over into the custody of you and your comrades, I am unable to determine what it is or how to circumvent it."

Now it was Tony's turn to frown, "You mean because of that binding Odin cast, tying you to us, you can't get at the magic you need?"

"Yes, apparently the binding deems those skills too self-serving to be accessed." Loki gave him a smile that was anything but pleasant, "Not so convenient for you now that you _want_ me to get at those powers, hmm?"

"No, I suppose not. Then again, without them in place you'd probably have just left me here and gone off on your own anyway."

Loki gave a non-committal sort of hum, "Perhaps."

"Well this has all been quite enlightening, but none of it has done us any good in getting out of here." Feeling steady enough now, Tony sat up and got to his feet, "Time to have a look around." Loki remained seated and closed his eyes, causing Tony to narrow his gaze at him. "You're not going to help? I'd think you'd want to get out of here as much as I do."

Loki opened his eyes just enough to give Tony an appraising look. "I do, however I saw nothing of use earlier. Therefore I believe my efforts are better put to use in attempting to retrieve my lost memories, in hopes they contain some sort of clue to our situation. Do you disagree?"

"No, I guess not." Tony turned to begin his examination of the room. It was poorly lit and he realised it was actually quite a bit bigger than it first appeared from the corner where he'd lay.

Quite a few minutes went by in silence, and Tony had made it about halfway around the room when he just barely heard what sounded like a moan of pain. He straightened up from his examination of a metal plate in the wall, looking for the source of the sound. There was another quiet moan before Tony realised the sounds were coming from Loki. The sorcerer's brow was heavily furrowed and he appeared to be gritting his teeth through whatever it was he was experiencing.

Tony abandoned the panel to cross the room back over to the mattress. "Loki?" He got no response, and seeing no physical explanation for Loki's discomfort, he reached out and grabbed his shoulder. "Hey man, wake up or something."

Before he could even think about reacting Tony found himself pulled to the mattress and pinned beneath Loki's taller form, a hand at his throat. "What the...?" Loki looked down at him with wild and unseeing eyes, and that gave Tony a very bad feeling. "Whatever the fuck nightmare you're in, snap out of it!"

Confusion filled those startlingly green eyes first, but it gradually gave way to clarity. "Stark?"

"Yeah, mind getting off of me? I've had enough of being battered for one day," Tony groused.

"Yes, of course." Loki pulled back, sitting on the far side of the mattress with an unsettled look.

Tony sat back up, rubbing at his throat, "So, what the hell was that all about?"

Closing his eyes, Loki rubbed at his forehead. "Memory recall is an imprecise art. Sometimes one unintentionally recalls things that are better left forgotten."

"So that had nothing to do with why we're here?"

"...It was not directly related to our present situation, no."

That answer reeked of evasion, and while Tony was more than happy to use that tactic on others, he hated it when someone used it on him. "Are you going to tell me what it was about?"

"I hadn't intended to."

That really wasn't good enough for Tony, and when he wanted answers about something he poked at it until he got them. "If this is going to happen again while you search your memories, I'd like to be prepared."

"I will avoid that section of my memories when I resume my efforts; clearly I left my scope open too broadly." Loki affected a relaxed posture, leaning back up against the wall. However, sans his usual armour and leather jacket, Tony could plainly see the lines of tension Loki sought to conceal.

"You know it's just you and me here, no Thor to go all sappy on you," Tony started walking back towards the far side of the room. "Talk and I'll listen, it's not like I have anything better to do."

"I have seen things that would curdle your blood, Midgardian. And I have no desire to speak of them to you or anyone else."

"Oh come on, confession's good for the soul and all that. Does it have something to do with the long walk you took off the short pier of your sanity?" Tony flashed him a taunting grin. "I mean the way Thor tells it you went a bit nuts with jealousy and finding out your true parentage all in one go, but that all seemed a bit simple to me as an explanation. Especially since you seemed to hold yourself together well enough to help Thor save your mom from that crazy elf and end up on parole here."

Loki gave a bitter laugh, "Jealousy, that is what Thor told you?"

Tony shrugged, "Not necessarily with that word, but it was the gist."

"That oaf still needs to learn lessons in divining the true motivations of people," Loki said dryly. 

"So you're saying you _didn't_ get him banished because you were jealous and wanted the throne for yourself?"

Loki glared at him in irritation. "I never wanted him banished!" he told Tony vehemently. "My goal was never the throne, not really. We were never supposed to reach Jotunhiem in the first place, the All Father was meant to stop us on the bridge. He would see how rash Thor yet was, and would delay his coronation until he had learned temperance. I sought to prevent war, not start it!"

"Not exactly the way things worked out," Tony couldn't help but point out.

"My plans fell apart, my brother was even more foolish than I'd anticipated... and yet," Loki mused, "had they gone as expected I think the results, for him and for Asgard, wouldn't have gone as well. My brother is an oaf, but less so than before his banishment. Some day he will be king, and I no longer think it will be the same disaster it once would have."

"So you're saying, when you started out, you did all of the wrong things, but it was for all the right reasons..." Tony said thoughtfully, receiving a non-committal shrug from Loki. "I suppose I can relate to that, but it still doesn't explain your little episode there."

Tony's inability to let a subject drop seemed to be irritating Loki. Given the reappearance of his glare, he'd clearly hoped the revelation about his motivations regarding the coronation would have distracted Tony from his previous line of enquiry. "You are a very vexing man."

"Yeah, I've heard that before. I'm also very stubborn, so you might as well just tell me what I want to know." He started running his hands back over the plate he'd previously abandoned as he continued on, "Thor's never mentioned anything happening in your childhoods that would explain that kind of nightmare, so I'm guessing it had something to do with after you went nuts."

Loki made a disgruntled noise, "Must you insist on insulting me at every turn?"

"Must you insist on avoiding my questions?" Tony mocked back without pause. He glanced over and grinned when he spotted the resigned look on Loki's face, "So, go on then."

"Yes, the memories were from after my fall through the portal created by the sundered bifrost."

Well that wasn't a good enough answer. "Thor said they all thought you died when you fell, it was very unlikely you'd survive the backlash of going through the uncontrolled portal."

"That was what seemed most likely at the time."

"Thor also said that you intentionally let go," Tony glanced over again, his expression more serious this time.

That was one of the things about Loki that had never added up for him. Someone so supposedly bent on world domination didn't seem a likely candidate for suicide, especially since the way Thor told it, Loki would likely have received little more than a slap on the wrist for his actions against the Frost Giants. Odin had apparently been feeling quite guilty about the way his youngest son had learned of his true parentage. And the matter of his attempt on Thor's life would have been a matter left to the two them to settle between themselves. So either Loki had had an escape of some sort planned, or there was something else going on there.

"I was alone, my world torn asunder and no-one to help me put it back together again. Mother assured me of her love, but her words rang hollow. Even if they were true for her, it changed nothing, she wasn't the one who had brought me back from Jotunheim. Odin was the one that did that, plotting to use a babe as a tool, but how could I rage at him as he slept? He couldn't respond, he couldn't fight back. There would be no answers, no satisfaction for my rage and loss. And then, as I hung there, my attempts to prove that I was a true son of Odin all fallen in tatters, he appeared and confirmed that I would never be good enough." Loki's expression was distant, seeing something much further away than the dark corner on which his gaze rested. Tony almost missed it when Loki continued on, his tone was so quiet, "When I fell, I was never supposed to land."

It was suicide then. Unless, of course, the trickster was lying, which was a totally valid possibility. God of Mischief and Lies and all. Somehow, though, Tony got the feeling this wasn't one of those times. "Quite a shift to go from that to trying to take over Earth in only a few months."

"I listened to the court in Asgard degrade me for more than 10 of your mortal lifetimes, and then, when my patience was most tested, I found out my whole life was a lie. No matter what I had done, I never would have been good enough," Loki said bitterly. "Time passes differently in the void between worlds. For you it was only a couple of months, for me it was years. Years of endlessly falling, with only my own thoughts for company, the lies of my life to dwell on as I fell," Loki sounded very uneasy as he recounted this.

"Okay, that could be unsettling. I mean my head's a pretty awesome place to be, I like it in here, but I wouldn't want to spend _years_ alone in it. I suppose that accounts for some of the crazy when you arrived here."

"When I finally landed, the Chitauri found me and took me to their master. He sought a tool, one he could sharpen to his purposes, and he found it in me. I was shattered, nothing more than a collection of broken pieces, jagged edges waiting to cut. I'd lost my purpose, and he offered me a new one; a new means of reaching the destiny I'd been always told I would have. In my pain I believed him. I, the God of Lies, was fooled in my desperation, until it was too late. Until the pieces were in play, and the only way to escape was to play my part in his madness." Loki sounded incredibly bitter as he related this.

"Wait a minute," Tony looked back over, "there's someone crazier than you were out there, still in charge of that space army?"

"I told the All Father of it when I was returned to Asgard." He snorted derisively, "He said he is looking into the matter, and took the mitigating circumstances of it into account when deciding upon my punishment."

Tony wasn't sure if that derision was for the supposedly mitigated punishment or for what Loki thought of Odin's ability to locate the Chitauri's leader. He really hoped it was the former, but he'd need to remember to mention this to the others when he got back, just in case it was the latter.

"I hope I have 'unburdened' myself enough for your liking now," Loki returned to his normal drawl. "I find I have no desire to speak on the topic further."

"Yeah, I suppose. Just, stay away from those memories when you go back to that meditation thing you were doing."

"I intend to."

~*~*~*~

"Yes!" The sound of Tony's cheerful shout startled Loki back from his meditation some time later. Not that it was hard to startle him out of it; he'd been uneasy about reaching the most productive depths given the things he had seen earlier.

"I presume you have found something of use?"

Tony nodded and looked curiously over at Loki, "So, that mojo Odin put on you, does it block your Frost Giant powers as well?"

Loki stilled, then slowly turned his gaze to look coldly upon Tony, "My _what_?"

"Thor told us you were adopted, that you were born in... Jotunheim was it? He also said that the Frost Giants could call up ice, freeze things with a touch. So, can you do it, or does that count as selfish magic as well?" Tony looked at him expectantly.

"I. am. Aesir." Loki growled at him, "So shut your fool mouth, Stark, before I shut it for you."

Tony quirked an eyebrow, "Ooo, hit a nerve there, did I? That's some pretty stubborn denial you have going on there. Of course Thor did say you tried to blow up Jotunheim, so..."

Loki threw himself at Tony with a growl of blind fury, after the places his meditations had taken him, he had no patience for this line of questioning. He pinned the Iron Man to the wall with an arm pressed across his throat. "I said be silent!" Loki ordered and leaned in, his face mere inches from Tony's, his gaze manic as green eyes met brown.

Tony's first instinct was to struggle, to fight back, but he resisted. For starters his head was throbbing again after the smack it just took to the wall, and secondly his ribs were aching, reminding him that Loki had only just healed them a short time before. Tony doubted it would take very much for Loki to re-break them. In the end though, what he did was probably even more reckless than fighting back, but hey, he was Tony Stark. Reckless was his middle name, and generally it worked for him.

Using the scant leverage the wall behind him provided, Tony leaned his head forward, pushing against that restraining arm until he'd closed the gap between them. He pressed his lips to Loki's in a kiss that was both demanding and challenging. Loki gasped his surprise, the hold of his arm loosening, and Tony pressed his advantage, deepening the kiss. Their eyes fell shut and for a moment Loki responded, but in the next Tony was left alone, leaning against the wall. He opened his eyes to see the Asgardian standing back a few steps away, looking at Tony with confusion and horror.

"You... Why did you do that?" For all his cunning and intellect, Loki was at a loss to parse the meaning behind the Midgardian's actions.

Tony smirked wryly, "You were spoiling for a fight, and I'm in no condition to give you one, even if I had my suit. Seemed a suitable way to redirect your anger."

Loki stared as though Tony were some sort of specimen in a jar, clearly trying to decide how much of Tony's response was truth and how much might be lies. With a sound of frustration he turned away, crossing their prison to pace restlessly, as far from Tony as he could get.

Tony just kept his silence, waiting to see if Loki would calm or attack again. Gradually the pacing slowed and he risked speaking, "So, do you want to see what it was I found?" He gestured a bit further down the wall he leaned against, towards a handle-less door.

Loki stopped and gave Tony a wary look, as though expecting this to be a ploy, but when Tony made no further move he nodded and walked closer.

Tony led Loki over to the door, back to the control panel beside it that he'd been examining before Loki had assailed him. "I know this model, perfectly acceptable for higher end home security, but you'd never use it to protect your most valuables due to its key design flaw."

Loki quirked a brow, "And that would be?"

"Temperature sensitivity!" Tony said gleefully. "You can't pick it, and shorting it out doesn't work, but rapid heating or cooling warps the main locking mechanism such that it can't keep the door latched anymore."

"And people still use these? It strikes me as a rather significant flaw," Loki snarked.

With a shrug Tony looked back at him, "Your average house thief doesn't cart an acetylene torch or a jug of liquid nitrogen around with him, and that's the level of change you need. Suits most normal folks well enough."

Loki considered the panel, his expression unreadable for a time, finally breaking his silence to say, "And that is why you asked about..."

"Your frost mojo? Yep, got it in one pal. Freeze this baby fast enough and that door pops open," Tony grinned cheekily.

Loki's lips pursed tightly as he considered the panel, and after a moment he spoke again, "This is the only idea you have come up with for extricating us from this cell?"

"Hey, I don't see you coming up with anything else here."

Loki inclined his head in acknowledgement before sighing. "I do not know if the All Father's spell has sealed my Jotun abilities away or not. It is not something I have a desire to explore generally. I have only intentionally used them twice, so that I might utilize the Casket of Ancient Winters, which is no longer in my possession."

At that last comment, his features took on the same haunted look they'd held after the nightmare, and it made Tony curious once more. Tony tried to decide the best way to phrase his question without raising Loki's ire again, "Odin take it back when we caught you?"

"No, it was taken from me before my arrival on Earth. All that is important now is that it is not in my possession, and I am inexperienced with these powers."

"They're a tool, and it's foolish to ignore a tool. Especially one no-one can take from you, generally," Tony observed.

"...I had not considered them in such a fashion," Loki frowned, but it seemed to be more thoughtful than irritated.

"Well you should," Tony's tone brooked no argument for the time being and he continued on, "So, do you need something to practice on first then?"

"If you merely wish me to conjure ice, a bare section of the wall will be sufficient." He studied the wall as he spoke, dubiously now, "This all assumes those powers will be accessible to me. Given the Aesir hatred of the Jotun, I find it unlikely the All Father would have left such things unbound."

"Won't know until you try, will you?" Tony wished Loki would just get on with it already, so he'd know if he needed to formulate a new plan or not. Given how touchy Loki had been on the subject, however, he thought perhaps this wasn't the time to prod too forcefully.

Loki stepped up to the wall, and with a resigned nod he reached out to lay his hand flat upon it. His brow furrowed in concentration, and slowly the skin of his hand took on a blue tone, frost spreading out from where he touched. Loki seemed to be regarding the results with genuine surprise.

Tony stepped over to examine the wall, "Well it's a start, but I don't think that's quite cold enough. Any chance you can produce actual ice? If you can get it in the lock mechanism, it might be enough to do the trick."

"He didn't bind them..." Loki's voice held just a touch of wonder.

"Luckily for us it doesn't look like it, but we don't really have time to consider the greater implications of that right now. So how about that ice?" Tony asked.

Loki nodded and refocused on the wall. He placed his hand to a new spot and called the power up once more. It started with the blue skin and frost again, but this time ice built under his palm, then spread out to follow a crack up the wall. "I seem to be able to direct its formation with something to focus upon."

"Excellent! Let's give this a shot then," Tony beckoned him back over to the door, waiting expectantly.

Loki rested his hand over the control panel and the mechanism beneath and to the side of it. He closed his eyes, focusing on the feel of metal beneath as the ice formed and expanded into the panel. It was with the bang and pop of warping metal that the mechanism finally gave out and the door shifted an infinitesimal amount inward.

Tony grinned and reached for the edge of the door, "Come on then, help me pry this open."

Loki, skin once more his normal pale tone, grasped the edge with him and slowly they swung the door open. As soon as they had a growling reached their ears and Tony's eyes widened.

On the other side of the doorway were a pair of bizarre creatures. The size of Great Danes, but with ears and the general shape of rabbits, they looked like something out of someone's nightmare. Their lips curled back as they growled once more, revealing deadly sharp teeth, and they crouched down to spring.

"Holy shit, it's the Rabbit of Caerbannog on steroids!" Tony slammed the door shut again, leaning back against it.

"The what?" Loki raised an inquiring brow as the door gave a 'thump'.

"From a good movie, remind me when we get out of this place and I'll show you. Now, you think you can ice this thing closed without freezing me to it?"

"I believe I can, but it will only be a temporary measure," Loki said, still giving Tony a dubious look from his reference to the movie.

"I'll take temporary," Tony said as the door thumped again, making him gasp from the jolt to his bruised and battered ribs.

"Very well," Loki approached and pressed a hand to the door over the broken latch mechanism. His hand took on the blue tone again and a thick layer of ice spread outward, gradually sealing the seam around the door. Tony moved out of the way and a thick sheet of ice grew to cover the entire door frame, and some of the wall and floor around it.

There was another 'thump', but the ice held. "Hopefully they'll give up before the ice weakens." Tony rubbed the back of his neck as he considered their predicament.

"If you have any more ideas for making our plight worse, please keep them to yourself," Loki drawled into the growing silence.

"I don't see you coming up with anything," Tony retorted.

"I have already said-" Loki was cut off before he could get any further.

"I wish you boys would cease with the pointless escape attempts and the bickering. I'm certain Miss Potts would prefer something more congenial for her proof of life so that we can all just get on with getting me my ransom money," a voice said condescendingly.

"That voice, I know that voice..." Tony said with dawning horror as he looked around the room for the speaker that must be hidden somewhere. "Those rabbits suddenly make sense now."

Laughter bubbled up from somewhere with manic with glee, "That's right, Stark, be afraid, because you've been trapped by a master of entrapment!"

Loki quirked a dubious eyebrow, "Is she serious?"

Tony sighed and ran a hand over his face, "Unrealistically so. That's the White Rabbit, now we really need to find a way out of here."

"I thought she mentioned ransom, it seems unlikely she'd harm us while she still needs us as collateral for her payment."

"Oh, you're right about that, but we still need to get out of here. Clint will never let me hear the end of it if I need to be rescued from a criminal as incompetent as her, hell I'm probably going to be hearing about it for ages as it is just for getting caught!" Tony looked properly horrified now and put himself to his search with renewed vigour as an indignant splutter transmitted through the speakers.

"Well of course we must make haste then. Far be it for me to aide in Agent Barton's taunting of your person," Loki said dryly.

"If I suffer, you suffer," Tony said, gesturing from himself to Loki in emphasis.

"Very well then," Loki sighed.

"Fools!" White Rabbit shouted irately, though Tony didn't pay any attention to the words she said; he was just using the sound of her voice to help him trace where it was coming from.

"You'll never escape my hold, not until I'm ready to release you," White Rabbit continued to taunt. "My plan is impeccable and even accounts for your magical lapdog, Stark!"

Loki bristled, "I am no-one's lapdog!"

"You are from where I sit," White Rabbit said with an audible smirk.

"Would you mind terribly if I killed her once we're free of this cell?" Loki asked Tony in what appeared to be complete seriousness.

"Better not," Tony said distractedly, squinting up at a dark corner of the ceiling. "White Rabbit's a non-lethal combatant, wouldn't look good at your next parole hearing."

"Pity," Loki murmured. Taking note of what Tony was doing, he walked over, "Find something of interest?"

"Yeah, can you light that corner up a bit?"

White Rabbit had continued her taunting all the while, not that either man had paid her any attention since the lapdog comment, but as Loki cast a spell to light up the corner, she shrieked.

"What are you doing? Get away from there!"

"Jackpot," Tony said with a grin as he could now easily see the camera, microphone and speaker built into the ceiling. "Ready to do a bit more of your ice mojo? I don't know about you, but I'm tired of listening to the playboy bunny with a Lewis Carol obsession."

"I am unfamiliar with the 'Bunny' part of your reference, but regardless I agree with the sentiment regarding her prattling."

"Prattling?! Why you..." White Rabbit was momentarily distracted from the concern for her equipment by the insult, but the two men continued to ignore her.

"I presume you wish a repeat of the treatment given to the door lock," Loki continued as though uninterrupted, while he studied the walls that led up to that part of the ceiling.

"That was the general idea, yeah. Most AV equipment isn't impervious to ice. So, think you can do it?" Tony asked.

Loki gave him a scathing look at the implication he might not be up to such a simple task, but he stepped up to the wall without comment and placed his hands upon it. It was but a few moments work for the ice to climb the wall and penetrate the electronics, silencing White Rabbit's protests with the crackle of a dying speaker.

"Right," Tony said, "Time to get out of here."

"Need I remind you that I still cannot teleport, those creatures remain at our door and we remain without weapons to stop them from attacking us?"

Tony was pretty sure Loki couldn't sound any more put-upon if he tried. However, that didn't cause him to even pause as he walked over to their abandoned mattress.

"Stark!" Loki snapped, irritated at being ignored.

"One step at a time, leather britches," Tony said and grinned over at Loki as he took advantage of a tear in the mattress casing to rip it open. "White Rabbit will be sending some of her goons to check on us, and with surveillance down that means opening the door. Opening the door means at least temporarily restraining her rabid pets." Tony started pulling coils from the cheap mattress, "When they open the door, we overpower them and make our break for it."

"They would have to be imbeciles not to be expecting that," Loki said, clearly underwhelmed by Tony's plan.

"Oh they will be," Tony assured him as he began twisting together coils from the pile he'd collected.

"And how precisely can you be certain of this?"

"I know who we're up against. White Rabbit has a reputation for failure. None of the other villains will work with her anymore and none of the thugs with 2 brain cells to rub together will work for her. She always manages to find an idiot or two somewhere though, that thinks a gun makes him invincible."

"So you propose that we overpower armed guards with our bare hands, at a bottleneck no less, where we will have little room to manoeuvre?" Loki didn't sound any more convinced of Tony's plan that before.

"Well we won't have guns, but we won't be unarmed either," Tony said and gestured to the row he was making of joined coils. "Thor told us how Jotun warriors can make ice clubs around their arms to fight with, and since you're still new at this ice mojo thing, and seem to need a surface to build on... Voilà! A support structure for clubs not attached to either of us."

Loki remained silent as Tony joined the last of the coils together, resulting in four frameworks laying before him. When he finally spoke, his voice was devoid of inflection. "Am I to take it that you wish to defeat our captors by hitting them over the head with clubs?" He picked up one of the joined coils, studying it.

"Or whatever else is vulnerable," Tony said, "I'm not picky."

Loki focused on the coil as he took it between both hands. After a moment ice began to form until he was holding something that looked not entirely unlike a thick baseball bat made of ice. Giving it a test swing, Loki mused, "Crude but likely effective."

"If you have any better suggestions, I'm all ears," Tony said. "I'm working with limited resources here."

"No, given the options before us, your plan seems sufficient," Loki drawled in a bored tone as he picked up the next coil and began work.

"Gee, thanks for that ringing endorsement," Tony drawled back, but Loki ignored him.

In short order they had their clubs, and with remarkably little bickering their plan was finalised.

Loki weakened the ice holding the door shut, and since the creatures guarding them were no longer attacking it, the door held its place. Loki then took up a position across from the door as Tony stood beside it.

They didn't have long to wait before they heard the sounds of a scuffle through the door. Something slammed against it, causing some of the ice to fall away. Tony's grip tightened on the cloth-wrapped handle of his club.

There was some muffled cursing and then the scuffle seemed to come to an end. A few moments later a voice shouted through the door.

"Both of ye, get back from the door. We're coming in."

Tony and Loki shared a look, it appeared the hired help was as thick as Tony had expected.

With a roll of his eyes, Tony shouted back, "We're out of the way."

Their guards were foolish enough to believe what they were told, because a banging began on the door not a moment later. With each bang some of the ice fell away. It was but a few moments work before the door swung open. The hired thugs, proving they had about as much caution as they did sense, immediately began entering.

There were two of them and they were broad enough to have to enter one at a time. As they first one came in, Tony swung his club, catching the man right in the stomach, and he doubled over, the air knocked from his lungs. That gave Loki a clear shot to throw his club at the second man. What the throw lacked in finesse it made up for in strength, and catching the man off guard, he was hit in the chest with enough force to send him to the ground. No doubt with more than a couple broken ribs.

Tony grabbed his second club and, with a knock to the back of the head, his opponent went crashing to the ground as well.

They made short work of tying the henchmen up with strips of the mattress casing before leaving them in their former cell, the door iced closed once more. A bit more ice also secured the latch on the kennel the rabbit creatures were kept in, keeping them out of the way.  
The men had had guns, as Tony had expected, and both handguns were tucked into his waistband since Loki had never used one.

"By the way," Tony commented offhandedly as they each picked out their most intact club, "That was some impressive aim. I didn't think these things were really balanced well enough for throwing."

"I was always quite fond of thrown weapons, learning to wield a great deal of them. As such, I was always the best with them of Thor's group of cohorts, and often of the court as a whole," Loki said with casual pride mixed with bitterness.

"Why do I get a feeling there's a story there?" Tony prompted, his curiosity getting the better of him despite the situation in which they found themselves.

"When I was a child I thought some day they would see that while I was perhaps not as proficient in close combat as they, I was still as formidable a warrior. I was deluded by hope, however, and the desire to belong. My magecraft was always denigrated as tricks, even when those _tricks_ saved their lives time and again. I learned to use the throwing knives and again I was belittled for the _cowardice_ ," Loki spat, "of using a ranged weapon. It was no matter that I gradually outstripped my teachers in both arts, that I became the most skilled and powerful mage of our age, barring perhaps only Odin. And Odin," Loki said with a snarl, "never discouraged them from their misinformed views. I had thought as a child that while Odin and Thor shared their love of the art of war, I might share magecraft similarly. How wrong I was. Despite the power the All Father carries, he shuns the _womanly_ art of sorcery, except when it suits him to use it. When I came to share with him my accomplishments, I was given empty words and sent on my way to mother, who was far more interested."

"Not to put a damper on your righteous rant," Tony said, "but there are plenty of people that would say you should have been the better man and just kept working to prove them wrong."

Loki scoffed, "I was the 'better man' as you say for centuries, and nothing came of it. So I began playing the tricks they accused me of, at their expense. There was satisfaction in bringing them low, showing them their folly time and again. Perhaps one day they would learn from it, _Thor_ would learn. But they never did, and Thor's coronation arrived and the throne was about to be taken by an ill-prepared _fool_!"

"Hence the plan that went epically pear-shaped," Tony said, cutting him off before he could really get going on his rant. 

"Although," he added as they stepped out of the room into a hall, "you are not entirely incorrect about the balance. I had been aiming for his head."

It took a moment for Loki's last words to sink in, but they startled a laugh from Tony when they did.

"It's probably better all around that your aim was off, given the strength of your throw," he opined, though he didn't hide a smile. If you were dumb enough to work for White Rabbit, you deserved what you got as far as Tony was concerned.

"Perhaps," Loki shrugged as he considered the hall. They were in the middle of a long corridor and both ends stopped at unmarked doors. "Your artificial ventilation systems make it difficult to ascertain the direction of an exit since we cannot rely upon the air currents to guide us."

"You've mentioned feeling the hum of arc reactor energy before. Can you pick up the signature from the suit?" Tony asked.

Loki's head tilted thoughtfully as he considered what his senses told him. "I believe I do, but how does that assist us?"

"Well for starters, I don't care how damaged it is, I don't leave that tech sitting around. Second, if some of the systems are still working, they might help us get out," Tony explained.

"Very well then," Loki conceded and turned to the right, "This way."

They moved down the corridor, through the door at the end and into another corridor. This time Loki turned left, and as they approached one of the doors, they heard White Rabbit's screeching.

"I told you to get out there and check on them! Those two imbeciles should have reported in by now." 

"I'm not going out there. If they've taken out Barry and Mick, what chance do I have on my own?" the man behind the door said. Clearly he had at least a little more sense than his cohorts.

"You'll get out there or you won't get paid," White Rabbit said caustically.

"We have a contract, lady," the man protested, "and nowhere in it does it say I have to risk my life."

"You'll get the job done, Bob, or you won't get paid. It's as simple as that," White Rabbit retorted. "There isn't a court in this country that'll enforce that mockery of a contract."

"Fine!" Bob snapped, and from their place on the other side of the door, Loki and Tony could hear him mutter, "crazy bitch."

The door opened a moment later and Tony and Loki were ready for him. It turned out Bob did have more sense than the others though, because his gun was already out and he didn't immediately step through.

Spotting Loki waiting for him across from the door, Bob stopped in his tracks, gun trained on the immediately visible threat.

"Well shit," he said, clearly contemplating his next move.

"You'll save yourself a lot of trouble if you set that gun down and kick it out here," Tony immediately advised the man. "Loki here has been itching to relieve some frustration via killing something since we woke up, so I really wouldn't give him the excuse if I were you," he added casually.

"He wouldn't," Bob said, but his voice wavered as Loki gave him a manic smile. "I mean you're heroes, you don't just go around killing people."

"I'm a hero, he's a villain on parole, the same rules don't really apply. Besides, I've always been a believer in reciprocal force, and a gun qualified as deadly in my books."

Loki's grin grew wider at Tony's words, which only made it more disturbing. The man went white with fear and immediately tossed his gun down, kicking it into the hall. Loki picked it up, studying it.

"On your knees," Tony ordered, stepping round the doorway to have Bob in full view. "Hands on your head," he added, keeping the gun trained on the man.

Bob did as he was told and Tony gestured Loki into the room.

"Tied up or knocked out?" Loki asked in a tone so casual one would have thought he was asking 'cream or sugar'.

"Tied up, he seems to have more sense than his fellows," Tony decided.

"Very well," Loki said and pulled a power cable off a nearby piece of equipment to tie Bob's hands behind his back. He wasn't particularly gentle about it, but neither did he needlessly hurt the man.

When he was done, Loki picked the gun back up, mimicking the grip Tony had on his own. "I really ought to learn how to use one of these guns," he commented thoughtfully. "They lack elegance, but seem to be generally effective against less advanced beings." He sighted down the gun toward their captive and grinned again, causing Bob to whimper.

"Loki, stop terrorising the prisoner, it lacks class," Tony commented offhandedly as he examined the contents of the room. "Found it!" he added happily on finding the pieces of his suit in a crate.

"You do so like to spoil my fun," Loki mourned as he lowered the gun, and Bob gave a sigh of relief. A glance around the room located Loki's own armoured vest and vambraces, though the helmet remained missing. Keeping one eye on their cowed prisoner, he began pulling his armour on as he addressed Tony, "I'll have you know tormenting those beneath you is a time honoured tradition amongst the monarchy of a great number of worlds across the cosmos."

"Yeah well, there's a difference between being upper class and _having_ class," Tony said dryly as he sorted through the pieces of his suit. "Besides, we've been over this, you're no prince on this planet."

"Oh, you're very much wrong on that point," Loki said, now fully redressed and perching on a counter across from their prisoner, clearly bored with guard duty. "If I had no special status, I highly doubt your director Fury would have deigned to allow me to serve out my punishment on your world. I am only here because he did not dare a diplomatic incident with Thor or Odin."

"Point," Tony conceded, then added a muttered "damn."

"Is there a problem with your equipment, more than the obvious dismantlement of course?"

"Most of this is useless without access to at least some of the appropriate tools to fix parts of it," Tony admitted. "I'm understanding the state of my ribs now, looks like the suit struck something angular with a hell of a lot of force. The whole side is caved in and shorting out the circuitry in the chest-plate, and the repulsors on both of the boots have been shattered."

"I vaguely recall a long fall," Loki said, and something about his tone had Tony looking over sharply.

"You didn't mention that earlier," he replied, going for a neutral tone.

"I believe it is what caused other recollections to surface," he said tightly, "and it didn't seem particularly useful information until now."

"No, I suppose not," Tony mused, but before he could go any further with the topic, he was interrupted by the lights going out. For a few moments the only light in the room came from the main arc reactor in the ruined chest-plate, then the emergency lights came on and everything was awash in a red glow.

Their prisoner gave a startled yelp as he suddenly found Loki looming over him. "What has happened?" he demanded.

"Wasn't me," Bob protested. "Must have been the Rabbit, she'll know you're in here," he said with a tilt of his head toward a security camera in a corner of the room. "Said she had a back-up plan if you got loose," he added.

"And you didn't mention this before because?" Loki asked acidly.

"You didn't ask?" the man retorted. "Besides, the gun in my face was distracting."

"Why you-" Loki started, only to be interrupted.

"Sorry to break up your little tête-à-tête, but we have a problem," Tony said, backing toward the door with only his helmet and a single gauntlet in hand.

"What the..." Bob said, struggling to his feet as he watched a shimmering cloud flow in through the air-vent at the far side of the room.

Loki's gaze followed, then narrowed in recognition. "We must exit this room, now," he ordered.

Tony didn't hesitate to open the door, only pausing long enough to confirm there were no air-vents in the hall to contaminate the air there as well. "All clear," he said and stepped out, training his gauntleted hand upon Bob.

"Is it deadly?" Bob asked as he eagerly fled into the corridor.

"No," Loki deigned to reply as he closed the door and pressed a hand to it, sealing it with ice. He looked over at Tony, "But I now know the means by which we were captured. That was a powder created by Amora, which renders the victim unconscious for a number of hours and often has side effects on short-term memory." He frowned as he added, "It is not like her to use the powder on a trivial matter, some of the ingredients are quite difficult to come by."

"It's also not like her to be involved in something and not get Thor directly involved in it as well," Tony mused with his own frown and looked at Bob for an answer.

"I don't know anything about no Amora," Bob was quick to deny. "I was hired by the Rabbit, that's it."

"She must be involved in some way," Loki asserted, "We must keep our guard up. And keep watch for any more of the powder, it need not touch you to work. Close proximity is sufficient for its effects to take hold."

"That explains how it got to me through the suit's environmental filters," Tony said. "Speaking of the suit, we should get going, there's going to be a minor explosion in that room in about three and a half minutes."

At the surprised look from Bob, Tony shrugged and said, "Most of the suit's wrecked. I took what was still useful and set the rest to auto-destruct."

"Well then, show us to an exit," Loki ordered Bob.

"Actually, I was thinking to White Rabbit," Tony cut in before Bob went anywhere. "You don't really want to let her get away with this, do you?"

"Hmm, point. Very well, mortal, show us to your employer."

With a shrug, Bob turned down the hall toward the way they'd come. When Loki noticed the magical powder seeping from beneath some of the doors as they passed by, he hurried them on faster.

Bob led them through a series of corridors to a locked door with an electronic key pad. "That's the control room," he said. "If she's not in there, I don't know where she is."

Tony grinned as he examined the lock; it was the same model as was on their cell. "You can break this one the same as the last, Frosty."

Loki gave him a scathing look for the nickname but he stepped up to the door without comment.

"Over there, on your knees, Bob," Tony said with a nod of his head, aiming the gauntlet at the door. "You've been a help and all, but I can't say I trust you."

Bob walked a few paces down the hall and knelt without resistance. "Leave me out of the fight and away from him," he said with a nod toward Loki, "and I'll do whatever you want."

"If you're ready then," Loki drawled.

"Have at it," Tony agreed, readying himself for what might greet them.

Loki was getting faster with the ice magic, the more he used it, and it was but a few moments work to break the lock. He swung the door wide and something white immediately launched itself forward. Tony was ready though, and a repulsor blast sent what proved to be another mutant rabbit flying back into the room.

"You bastard!" White Rabbit shrieked. "You've killed Mr Cottontail," she mourned and dropped down by her bizarre pet.

'Mr Cottontail?' Tony mouthed at Loki in disbelief at the cutsie name for what looked like a rabid dog crossed with a rabbit. "He's probably just stunned," Toy commented remorselessly, stepping into the room, gauntlet trained on White Rabbit and her pet.

"Where is Amora?" Loki demanded as he entered the room.

"How should I know?" she said without looking away from her pet. Its chest rose and fell slowly so it looked like Tony's words were proving true.

"You used a creation of hers to subdue us, and it must be magic preventing my teleportation," Loki retorted.

"Oh, that," White Rabbit said and looked up at the two men with a very self-satisfied smile. "I acquired them from her without her knowledge."

"You stole from Amora?" Tony asked disbelievingly.

"Stole is such a crass word. It's not my fault she left them lying about. She's a surprisingly heavy sleeper after sex, and I was curious about her lair," White Rabbit mused.

" _You_ and _Amora_?"

White Rabbit stood abruptly, the picture of indignation. "You doubt I could have anyone I wished in my bed?" she demanded.

"Hey, I don't deny your looks," Tony retorted, "but the two of you together is too much crazy in one room for me."

"Why you-!"

Tony ignored her further indignant spluttering, leaving her under Loki's watchful gaze, to investigate the control console. He frowned as he examined the read-outs.

"You've locked this place down."

The smile returned to White Rabbit's face. "You won't be getting out of here until I have my one billion dollars in my account."

"You will open the exits and release us," Loki ordered her.

"No can do babe, the lock only releases once the funds are in place. There is no manual override and no way around it. I paid a tidy sum to a very reliable programmer to ensure it," she informed them smugly.

"Well that's easy enough to get around, I'll have Pepper transfer the funds in, we'll leave and she'll have them revoked," Tony said as though it really was that simple.

"That won't get you out of here, the lock isn't tied to the account I gave her," White Rabbit informed him, growing smugger by the moment. "They will pass through a series of accounts until they get to the one the lock is linked to. Untraceable and unable to be reversed."

"You're locked in here with us, you fool. What good will those funds do you when you've been incarcerated?" Loki demanded.

"If I ever even end up in prison, I'll be out in a few years tops," White Rabbit said with certainty, "and when I do, the money will be waiting. I'll spend the rest of my life on a private beach with gorgeous servants at my beck and call, while I dine on the finest fare, earning a tidy 8% on my accounts."

Tony looked surprised. "I'm impressed, you've finally come up with a sensible, if totally illegal, retirement plan. Unfortunately for you, you neglected to properly consider one thing."

"Oh, and what's that?" she asked dryly.

"To pick the right target," Tony said, sitting down at the console.

"Oh I planned that quite well, Stark. I have all the figures on your income, assets and net worth. I know you can afford the ransom."

"Yeah, but like hell am I going to pay it," Tony said, fingers beginning to tap away on the keyboard.

"You won't be able to override the lock-down, the console will get locked out if you try," White Rabbit said, going for confident, though a hint of uncertainty began to creep into her voice.

"That's fine," Tony said with a grin as images from the various security cameras flicked by on the screen. "An underground bunker, how clichéd. Where are we, upstate?"

"Like I would tell you," White Rabbit snarled, uncertainty traded for anger as Stark brushed off all her plans as though they were nothing.

"It's no matter, I'll know soon enough," Tony said. The surveillance footage was soon replaced with screens full of the security specifications of the compound and various interface screens. Neither White Rabbit nor Loki had the knowledge to keep up with what he was doing until his fingers stilled and a monotone voice spoke.

"Secure Stark server activated, dual voice print required for access."

"Tony Stark, Pepper kicks ass," Tony said.

"Access granted," the monotone voice said, before giving way to JARVIS' dry tones.

"Welcome back, sir, I was concerned when your ear-piece and suit went offline."

"Sorry about that, J. Could you let Pep know I'm fine?"

"Of course, sir. May I ask where you are?"

"From the signal triangulation data, about 14 miles Northwest of Woodstock. Think you can get a more definite fix?"

"Momentarily, sir."

"Now," Tony murmured to himself as he pulled some of the security files back up. "One partially drained repulsor isn't going to get through this, but some strategically applied C4 should do nicely." He glanced over at Loki, as he gestured to the display showing the heavy metal doors to the complex, "Unless you think you can do something about that?"

"I could try, though unless you know of a weakness for me to exploit with ice, I believe the effort may be futile. In the scant weeks I have resided in SHIELD's _hospitality_ ," and wasn't the sarcasm on that word a mile deep? "I have found my ability to perform even the most basic offensive magic blocked unless needed to protect the life of a mortal in peril. I appear to have been restricted primarily to teleportation and a handful of other non-directly-combative magic in day-to-day life."

"Hmm," Tony contemplated the door. "It's a different style of door, I don't think the ice trick will do us any good here, and just prying at it isn't going to budge it even with your above average strength. What about teleportation, now that you know it's Amora's tech blocking you?"

"I would need direct access to the device to disable it," Loki said and both men looked at the White Rabbit who smirked back.

"The artefact is nearby but not actually inside the base," White Rabbit told them smugly, "in case of a situation precisely like this."

"Exact coordinates have been calculated," JARVIS interrupted them. "Shall I transmit them to the other Avengers?"

"Yeah, and tell them to bring some C4," Tony said. "They'll probably need it to take the bunker door off. I mean, I know Bruce could probably pull the door out with the right motivation but the Big Guy tends to make a big mess and that's probably a bit overkill at this point."

"I will let them know, sir. Also, I have made contact with Ms. Potts and she said to inform you that if she were not all the way in Tokyo, getting ready for a meeting which she cannot miss, she would be on her way home to berate you for letting yourself be kidnapped by a two-bit criminal."

White Rabbit spluttered at the 'two-bit' comment but seemed to have given up on actually protesting their insults.

"Tell her to get in line behind Barton and his mocking," Tony told JARVIS. "I'm not going to hear the end of this from him for at least a month."

"Captain Rogers wishes to speak with you directly, sir, shall I put him through?"

"Yeah, go on J."

There was a moment's pause, a crackle of static, and then the voice of Steve Rogers came clearly through the console.

"Stark, you alright?"

"Yeah, I'm fine Cap. Nothing wrong with me a bit of Loki's mojo couldn't fix."

"That's debatable," Loki muttered, but Tony only gave him an amused look.

There was a pause before Rogers spoke again, "So he wasn't in on it? We got readings on magic in the area you both disappeared from."

"Nah, we were kidnapped together but I promise, he wasn't in on it. He's been nothing but helpful since I woke up."

"I actually find that _more_ suspicious," Rogers said grimly.

"Stop being such a pessimist, you're supposed to be Captain Optimist. And bring me my C4," Tony demanded cheerfully.

Rogers sighed audibly, "Fine. We're checking you for mind-control when we get there."

"Yeah, yeah, whatever," Tony mockingly agreed.

"Right, we'll be there in half an hour tops, hold tight till then," Rogers said resignedly. "Rogers out."

There was another crackle of static and JARVIS was back on the line. "Captain Rogers has terminated the signal, sir. Is there anything else you would like me to do while you await rescue."

"Yeah, let's see if the two of us together can hack that door before the others get here, might save me a bit of face with Barton," Tony said wryly. "There's apparently a lock-out command on this console specifically for doing that, so we'll need to do a work-around first. I was thinking-"

Tony was cut off by Loki's voice saying coldly, "You could try it, but I don't give it good odds for improving your situation."

"What are you talking about? This can't make it any worse... oh." Tony had turned around only to see White Rabbit pointing a taser at him.

"I had it all figured out, this was supposed to be the last grand scheme, the chance to have everything I always deserved but was denied me. You had the money to spare, you'd make it back in under two years, but _nooooo_ , you have to go and spoil everything!" she gestured expansively with her free hand. "Why couldn't you just be accommodating like your average rich middle-aged bastard? I mean would it really hurt you to just pay up and let us all go our own ways?"

"Well for starters, there's nothing average about me. And secondly, yeah, it would hurt my pride quite a lot to concede to a lame excuse for a villain like yourself, bunny slippers. You don't even have style!"

"Why you- _Aiieee_! Unhand me you brute!" she shrieked as Loki grabbed her from behind, having been caught unawares by his approach, wrapped up in her rant as she was. "I said. Let. Me. Go! I'm a lady!"

"Of the night, perhaps," Loki muttered with a smirk. "I should really have tied her up from the beginning," he added as he finished tying off her wrists behind her back, then cut off her continued shrieking with a handkerchief which he tied securely behind her head, "and gagged."

"Where the hell did she get that thing from anyway?" Tony demanded.

"She seemed to pull it out from under the Rabbit... thing. I shudder to think where it was kept."

"Right, well, you should probably tie up that... pet while you're at it," Tony said, watching as Loki efficiently tied off Rabbit's ankles and unceremoniously dumped her by the wall, her eyes following him with burning hatred. "And get Bob from the hall."

"Back to being your servant I see," Loki said dryly, though it didn't stop him from moving to tie up the creature anyway.

"I suppose I could go get Bob myself," Tony conceded reluctantly and headed for the hall.

Bob was waiting right where they'd left him, obviously hoping for a chance to claim leniency due to his cooperation. Tony brought him into the control room before he sat back at the console and began his work with JARVIS. Unfortunately for his pride, he didn't have nearly enough time to hack the door codes before the others arrive. Tony begrudgingly admitted, if only to himself, that whoever the Rabbit had hired to do her coding was good. He'd have cracked it eventually he would never fail to maintain but not as fast as C4 cracked the door.

As soon as he had Tony alone, Rogers put him through a series of questions, obviously chosen to determine if he was being mind-controlled. When he was done, he crossed his arms, reluctantly saying, "I suppose everything's fine."

"I could hit him in the head," Barton said, coming up beside them. "Just to be sure," he added, giving Tony a grin that didn't even pretend at being innocent.

"I'll pass," Tony drawled back.

"Well you're still going to need to be debriefed when we get back to the tower," Rogers warned him.

"Yeah, I figured," Tony sighed and turned on his heal, heading for the quinjet, "so let's go get it over with."

~*~*~*~

When he had finally finished with his official SHIELD debriefing, and his unofficial Pepper debriefing, Tony walked through the doors to the Tower's main balcony. Sitting on the ground a short distance from the edge - just where Jarvis had told him he would be - was Loki, backlit by the bright lights of the city at night.

Tony walked across and dropped down beside him. "Finally got out of that debriefing," he said with a sigh of relief and glanced at Loki beside him. "How'd you get out of yours earlier?"

"They do not trust my rendition of events of any mission," Loki informed him. "I provide them the shortest possible version of events and they are most happy to see the back of me before they head off to confirm them against more reliable sources. I believe they mainly ask me for my version at all in hopes that one day I will provide them with falsehoods sufficient that they might send me back to Asgard, no longer required to keep watch over me."

"That does sound like a government sort of thing to do," Tony conceded, "and as black ops as they might be, SHIELD is part of the government."

Loki nodded and they sat there in silence for a while before, finally, Tony said, "So I was telling Pepper about our little adventure earlier and she fixated on the strangest part of the story."

"Oh?" Loki asked, unable to help his curiosity.

"Well I've got an eidetic memory, and sometimes when I'm telling a story I get on a bit of a roll and relate entire conversations that maybe aren't totally relevant to the story as a whole...”

"You ramble, rather as you're doing now when you want to say something but aren't quite certain how," Loki interrupted with a smirk.

"Just so," Tony admitted with a wry smile. "Pep's the only one who's ever called me out on that for the right reason before."

"Yes, well, Ms. Potts is an intelligent and highly observant woman. The divines only know why she puts up with you."

"I'd be insulted if I didn't already ask myself the very same thing on a regular basis," Tony quipped. "However, getting back on topic, so I was telling her about what happened and when I finished the first thing she said was 'He must be very lonely'."

Tony glanced sidelong at Loki, whose gaze was fixed firmly on the skyline. "And because I might be able to know the secrets of a complex formula or a circuit board at a glance, but I'm so bad at reading people as to think a 10 foot stuffed rabbit is a _great_ Christmas gift-"

"To _whom_?" Loki interrupted incredulously, "An infant the size of the green beast?"

" _Not_ the point of this story," Tony said and then added, "and you could call him by his name, you know," as an aside, only getting a non-committal hum for a reply.

"Anyway, I asked Pep who she meant, and she said you," Tony paused to glance at Loki again but the Asgardian's gaze was fixed on the skyline once more. "And that sent my mind running, even as she continued on pointing out that you'd probably said more to me in that cell about yourself than you've said to everyone else here combined, and that your quip about the Agents was probably as accurate as it was sarcastic. Then she finished off by saying you were still an asshole - my paraphrase, she doesn't generally approve of vulgarity – for what happened here," Tony gestured out to the view of Manhattan before them, "but maybe you could do with a friend. So, could you?" Tony looked at him expectantly.

Loki looked back in bafflement at Tony's sudden question after his rambling. "Could I _what_?"

Tony rolled his eyes, "Don't be thick. Could you do with a friend?"

"Why, are you offering?" Loki retorted sarcastically.

"I thought that was obvious," Tony said without a trace of mockery, which seemed to have Loki wrong-footed given his lack of immediate retort.

When Loki finally regained his composure, it was to sneer and dryly comment, "I have managed just fine as I am, I do not require your hand offered in pity. I do not require, nor desire _anyone's_ pity," he finished vehemently.

"Good thing I wasn't offering you any then. I offer pity friendships as often as I offer pity fucks, which would be never."

"Are you done being crass?" Loki asked with a raised brow.

"Says the man who's fond of the word 'quim' as an insult," Tony dead-panned back.

"You have a point," Loki conceded. At a prompting look from Tony he continued, exasperated, "And what pray tell could I possibly find in common with a maddening human such as you to make me wish to 'be friends'?"

"Well, for starters you're an expert in sorcery and I'm an expert in science. I'm sure we could kill more than a few hours exploring where those overlap. Then there's the fact you're going to be stuck on this rock for quite a while, so you might as well catch up on some post-Columbian history, and I'm the resident God of Pop-Culture-"

"That is not a real title," Loki protested.

"Well it should be," Tony retorted without missing a beat, "plus, and I'm not even going to pretend to be modest-"

"When are you ever?" Loki muttered, but Tony continued on as though uninterrupted.

"-but I'm one of the wealthiest men in the country and I'm pretty sure it's an Earth tradition to take advantage of wealthier friends' generosity when it comes to trips and gifts and things. So, you should do that, to learn more about Earth of course."

"Of course."

"So? If you're not convinced yet, I'm sure I can come up with a list of additional reasons that will fill at least the next five minutes of conversation."

"I'm sure you could," Loki said, caught somewhere between wonder and horror. He felt like he'd been thrown into someone's life other than his own. He'd never had a so called 'friend' before who wasn't Thor's first, at least not without wanting something from him first. Loki's eyes narrowed with that thought.

"What are _you_ getting out of this offer?"

"You're not boring."

Once again Loki found himself wrong-footed. "Pardon?"

"You're not boring," Tony reiterated. "Even when you're not doing evil you have a cloud of chaos around you. The triple-bluff you used to save Frigga could have jeopardised your position with Asgard, letting Thor think you'd turned on them for a while like that. But in the end, the damn elf was taken down with far fewer casualties than the direct approach would have. Then there's the added bonus that it makes a much more interesting story to retell. So I'd be willing to bet half the contents of my garage having you around, even when you're doing good, will be a hell of a lot more interesting than not having you around, and I really hate being bored."

"I... am not certain where to begin addressing that madness."

"I have that kind of affect on people," Tony grinned.

"You seem very certain that I have decided to be a 'good' person now. Most People of my experience would argue if a being is evil at its core, it is always evil, regardless what you dress it as."

"I never said you were a good person, never said you were an evil one either, I just said you did both. There's a difference between being and doing. Anyone's capable of doing either, regardless of what they are."

"And what pray tell do you think I am then?" Loki asked dubiously.

"You're neither. You exist in the grey in between. If I wasn't sure of that before today, I am now. You overcompensate for self-esteem issues a mile wide, you're jaded and selfish."

"Should I thank you for that ringing endorsement?" Loki was caught between the desire to fling this infuriating mortal over the side of his own balcony, and the urge to find out what crazy words he might say next. The latter urge won out, if only because he had tried defenestration on the man once before and he doubted it would work any better a second time. So instead it was curiosity's turn to be indulged.

"Hey, that wasn't an insult, any of it applies to me about as well as it does you."

"That does not necessarily make it any less of an insult. Your propensity to fling yourself head first into situations which put your life in peril on a regular basis suggest you enjoy a disturbing level self-flagellation," Loki observed. Then he added with a smirk, "Besides which, I was led to believe Iron Man was meant to be one of the 'Good Guys'."

"If you define 'Good Guys' by people who do good, then yeah but if you're requiring they _be_ good, well then the Avengers just got halved. Cap's the only one of us who qualifies as unequivocally good. He's so sincere the sweetness of it could give you a dozen cavities. An argument can also be made for the goodness of Bruce and your brother. They're both pretty damn genuine guys."

"But not yourself or the others?"

"Well what do you think, you seemed to have plenty of opinions when you were fighting us."

"I thought you all fools, playing at heroism as Thor and his friends have long done."

"And now?"

Loki smirked, "Who says I have ceased to believe that?"

That startled a laugh from Tony, "Fair enough."

"But perhaps I will grant most of you have more complex motives as well. I still believe the idea of atonement through deeds is foolish sentimentality, even if I am partaking of it for the sake of regaining my full freedom. When the dead die, they are gone, and care not how many more you might save as penance for their loss. There is no scale upon which you can balance one life against another until you achieve some perfect balance of atonement. To think there is oversimplifies the complexity of the universe. So, if your aim was to tell me you and the others are not 'good people', but instead do 'good deeds' to make up for past wrongdoings in an effort to encourage me to do the same, please spare me," Loki finished dryly.

"Actually, I wasn't," Tony said, managing to surprise Loki yet again in this conversation. "I can't really speak for the Assassin Twins, though I would say your little spiel there oversimplifies their motives."

"And for yourself?"

"Enlightened self-interest," Tony told him without hesitation. At Loki's questioning look he elaborated, "I do good for others not just because it's good for them, but because it's good for me as well. When I was held in Afghanistan, for the first time in my life I really looked at what kind of legacy I was leaving behind. I'm human, so the only real kind of immortality we have is our legacy and what I saw wasn't the way I wanted to be remembered. So, I changed what I was doing, I became Iron Man, and the way the world saw Tony Stark changed with it. My legacy is no longer that of a fool with too much money and a few good technical ideas. Instead I will be remembered as a humanitarian, a hero, a visionary, many things to many people. Now my name will be a respected part of the history books that is hardly likely to be forgotten any time soon."

"That... is actually a reason I can understand," Loki said thoughtfully. "Perhaps I haven't given you quite enough credit for your motivations."

Tony grinned at that, but before he could say anything Loki added, "I only said 'perhaps', do not read too much into it."

"It's a start, so I'll take it," Tony chuckled.

"If it was your intention to convince me to do more good deeds openly and willingly, however, I'm afraid your 'enlightened self-interest' does me little good, except perhaps in fulfilling the terms of my limited release. I have little doubt that my actions on this world will change no opinions about me amongst the court of Asgard."

"So? It seemed to me like you were quite happy to have humans worshipping you instead."

"Yes, and we both saw how well that worked out for me," Loki said dryly.

"Well you went about it all the wrong way," Tony told him, looking down toward the cars moving along the streets below. "Trying to rule humans through fear never works in the long run. Get them to love you, though, and they'll fling themselves at your feet, metaphorically speaking anyway."

"I cannot say I see that as being a realistic possibility given my introduction to your modern culture."

"You'd be surprised. There are plenty of people out there that love a redemption story. I'm a prime example," Tony pointed out.

"Hmm, perhaps..." Loki looked at Tony in amusement, "What would your cohorts say to hear you giving me advice on how I could have better furthered my previous plans?"

Tony waved the comment away, "I doubt most of them would be surprised. This little tangent brings me back to the original point of this conversation, though."

"Ah yes, your unconventional offer of friendship," Loki said and his brow was furrowed as he trained his gaze upon the horizon. He found himself conflicted, which was never a state he was particularly fond of. On one hand this man was a mortal. Magic-less, short-lived, in all things beneath him. On the other he showed flashes of intelligence Loki could appreciate, and he seemed to carry the cacophony of life about himself like a brightly coloured mantle. It was appealing, intriguing, and had the potential to be intoxicating, which was as much a reason to avoid him as it was to seek out his company. It never did to let one's self become particularly attached to a mortal, their lives were always so brief.

Loki's thoughts were interrupted by a hand upon the back of his neck and lips suddenly pressed to his own. For the second time in a day, Loki found himself responding only to suddenly pull back in surprise, giving Tony an enquiring look.

"I said your name and you didn't seem to hear me, looked lost in your thoughts," Tony told him.

"And you thought accosting me was the way in which to regain my attention. Is this something you try with all of your potential friends?"

"No, just the ones that are easy on the eyes," Tony quipped. "And don't you think 'accosting' is a rather harsh word to be using in this situation? You've never actually indicated my kiss was unwelcome, so it seemed as good a technique to try as any."

"I never indicated it was welcome either."

"You didn't push me away, either time, and since you're a damn sight stronger than me without my suit, I thought it was rather telling."

Tony quirked a brow at him in challenge and Loki didn't know how to reply. Over and over this man left him unbalanced, which was a state he relished causing in others, but rarely appreciated in himself. Given the wearisome monotony that his life had become overall since Thor had first brought him back to Asgard, it was tempting to give in to curiosity, to see what chaos this bright and shining mortal might bring into his life. Doing so, however, would require giving up some of the meagre shreds of control of his life he'd managed to scrape together, and he wasn't quite certain that was something he could do.

Again there were fingers at the nape of his neck. Words were murmured against his lips, "You're lost in your own head again," before lips pressed to his once more. There was the rasp of beard against his skin as Tony angled his head to tease the kiss deeper and Loki's eyes closed as his lips parted in invitation. For a moment he gave in to his baser impulses, revelling in the feel of lips and teeth and tongue, moving as though in a dance as opposed to the battle that was their first kiss. His mind refused to remain silent forever, however, and persisted in interrupting the enjoyment of the moment.

A hand pressed to Tony's chest, slowly but relentlessly pushing him back until the kiss was broken. Tony sat back and looked at him questioningly.

"You are a most peculiar man, Anthony Stark." Loki frowned at him, though it clearly wasn't in anger.

"I've heard that sentiment before, and I prefer Tony."

"Are you not in a committed relationship to your woman, Ms Potts?"

"Yeah, I am..."

"And will she not be displeased at... this?" Loki gestured between them, at a loss for how to describe what was happening.

"It's fine, it's Pepper-sanctioned," Tony told him as though it explained everything. At Loki's blank stare he sighed and elaborated, "We have an arrangement. I don't take advantage of it often, but we talked. She's damn perceptive and I admitted I found the kiss in that cell hotter than I probably had a right to. So, when she gave her blessing to this hair-brained attempt at befriending the resident villain, I got the okay for that friendship to have benefits. Provided she has the right to watch if there's more than a one-off." Tony grinned salaciously.

"Truly most peculiar," Loki murmured.

Tony took that as an invitation to move back into Loki's space. "You like it, admit it."

"It has an... appeal of sorts," Loki admitted, eyes raking over Tony's face and down to the curve of his throat. "This wasn't anything you mentioned in your bizarre offer of friendship, and I will not be used simply for your amusement."

"This isn't about amusement," Tony said, and already his fingers were burying themselves in the hair at Loki's nape once more. "You think too much, and I know the best cure for that."

This time when Loki was drawn in he went willingly, perhaps the mortal had a point. There was a freedom in indulging one's impulses, even when the most sensible part of your mind was yelling that what you were doing was foolish. Loki pushed that part away, instead choosing to revel in the touch of this man who seemed to want so very little from him aside from his company.

Hands pushed the leather coat from his shoulders and Loki helped shrug it off, drinking up each touch like a parched man with his first taste of water. It had been quite some time since Loki had felt hands upon him intent to bring pleasure, pleasure that he would no longer deny himself. Once he was free of the coat, he reached for Tony and pulled him closer, and the man readily complied, straddling his legs.

Tony's lips broke from Loki's to trail down along his jaw to his neck. He wanted to taste the curve of Loki's throat, to see if it was as delicious as it looked, and Tony Stark was not a man inclined to deny himself what he wanted. Loki's skin was cool under his tongue as he laved the curve where neck met shoulder, then following another impulse he nipped the sensitive skin and a grin curved his lips at the pleasure-filled groan it elicited. It only encouraged him to repeat his actions as he slowly pushed Loki back to lay stretched out upon the balcony floor.

"I was given to understand humans preferred privacy for such activities," Loki murmured as Tony worked loose the fastenings of his armour.

"We're on one of the tallest buildings in the city," Tony said as he bent his head down to taste a freshly revealed collarbone with his tongue. "No one's going to see us without air support being involved."

"At this building, that might not be such an unlikely event," Loki murmured, before a groan caught him off-guard as Tony's lips and teeth teased a nipple.

Tony paused to lift his eyes to meet Loki's own, "Do _you_ want to go inside?"

"I am indifferent, however, I feel compelled to warn you that should you not finish what you have begun for any reason, I will not be held responsible for my actions," Loki said, fixing him with a warning look.

"Well, there's no artefact blocking your teleportation now, is there?" Tony asked him with a quirked brow.

"Indeed, there is not," Loki smirked. He gripped the back of Tony's neck and then, with a shock like static electricity and a shimmer to the air like heat distortion, they found themselves in the exact same position but now they were on Tony's large bed.

"Jarvis, activate the one-way tint on the windows," Tony said and the windows darkened just a bit further. "There we go," he grinned up at Loki, "Private enough for you?"

"It will do. Now I believe you have something to get back to?" Loki said with a quirked brow.

"So I do," Tony grinned, running his hands down Loki's chest, pushing the leather and linen back out of his way. "So many layers, but surprisingly easy to get through."

"Good sorcerer's armour is quick to be donned _and_ discarded, for multiple reasons," Loki smirked up at him.

" _Ooo_ , I sense some stories there."

"The halls of Alfheim offer many an adventure for one that has gained favour with the elves." Loki's breath caught as lips once more trailed over skin, teeth nipping, tongue tasting. He shuddered out a steadying breath before continuing, "Some of your realms tales tell of the wickedness of the magic of the elf lands, but what they would truly find wicked is the hedonism; the wanton abandon with which the elves give themselves over to pleasures of all kinds."

A rasp of beard against his stomach sent shivers through him and Loki closed his eyes to steady himself as words ghosted across his skin. "And did you gain their favour?"

Deft fingers loosened the ties of leather trousers and lips explored each new inch of skin that was exposed. It was an altogether distracting sensation but Loki found the words to say, "I had a great deal of favour with some. The elves appreciate cleverness, wit and magic." He lifted his hips, allowing his trousers to be pealed away.

"Do those go hand in hand?" Tony asked, and the sudden lack of his touch made Loki open his eyes to watch as the man stripped away his own shirt.

"For all the best sorcerers."

Tony grinned down at him, "And you're the best?"

"One of, certainly, I like to think," Loki grinned back and with a wave of his hand any lingering garments he or Tony were wearing faded away.

" _Ooo_ , I like that one," Tony murmured, not at all unsettled by their sudden state of complete nudity. "I'll have to remember you can still do that."

"Yes, well, there is limited villainy available with dispelling of clothes," Loki quipped dryly.

"Oh I could think of a few things," Tony murmured, leaning down over him, "but I have other things on my mind just now." He brought their lips together in the same moment as he gave a deft roll of his hips, swallowing a wanton moan from Loki lips that came unbidden.

It had been far too long since someone had touched him this way, since he had enjoyed the simple pleasure of the flesh.

As suddenly as it began, the friction was gone and the kiss was broken, but the contact remained. Hands were mapping out every angle and plane of his body, as though Tony was trying to memorise his image through touch alone. Slowly he worked his way downward, but hands passed by where he needed them most, running instead over hips and thighs.

"Stark," he ground out, meant as a warning but just as pleading.

A huffed laugh was all the warning he got before a warm mouth was engulfing him and Loki cried out. It took all of his meagre remaining control to keep his hips on the bed, some part of him coherent enough not to want to risk dislodging that talented tongue, the light scrape of teeth, just the right amount of suction. Embarrassingly quick the rest of his control was shredding, however, as his world narrowed down to that one point of electrifying pleasure. And when fingertips pressed just so to the skin behind his balls, the added jolt of pleasure was too much and he was coming in shuddering waves.

That wasn't the end of the onslaught though, the clever fingers and gifted mouth didn't leave him, coaxing him rapidly back to hardness once more. Then Tony was climbing back over him, grinding their hips together again as he kissed Loki deeply, the taste of him on his tongue. With a growl Loki gripped the man above him and rolled them over to bear down upon him. No doubt there would be bruises in the morning in the shape of his fingertips, but in that moment neither cared as they rut against each other with abandon.

The room filled with the sound of their harsh breathing as they gave themselves over to the drive for pleasure. Teeth clashed, Tony nipped at Loki's lip as he wrapped a leg around his waist, giving them a better angle, fingers gripping his back. Loki swallowed the ragged gasp that left Tony's lips as he came with relish, making use of the spreading slick between them to thrust his own hips faster, harder, until he too was coming, teeth sunk into the curve of the mortal's neck.

It wasn't until the last shudder had passed through him that he rolled off to lay, eyes closed, at Tony's side.

For many long moments Tony and Loki laid silently upon the bed, both regaining their breath and gathering their thoughts. It was Tony that finally broke the silence, a grin pulling at his lips. "Pep's going to get a good laugh at me when I tell her about this."

Loki turned his head to quirk a brow at his companion, "She will mock you for the role you played in our liaison?"

"Oh no," Tony immediately corrected him, "she'll tease me for having been proved right."

"Well that can't be an uncommon occurrence," Loki opined dryly, but Tony chuckled rather than being insulted.

"No, not really." He was silent for a moment before he continued thoughtfully on with, "She's accused me of having a danger fetish for years, even before we were a thing. Never really disagreed with her because, well it's hard to contradict something that's blatantly true."

"And is that what this was, simply a way to feed this fetish of yours?" Now Loki sounded ever so slightly insulted, and certainly a bit irritated as he continued, "Bedding the rabid beast when his power has been bound and muzzled? It is about as brave as the child prodding the slain bilchsteim with his wooden sword as it takes its final breath."

Tony rolled onto his side, propping his head up on a hand so that he could better stare Loki down. "Knock that off."

"And what precisely am I supposed to 'knock off'?" Loki glared up at him.

"You're far too quick to assume everyone is mocking or belittling you, even when they're not," Tony told him.

"Experience is a cruel, but effective, teacher," Loki replied, his glare never easing.

"Yeah, well, clearly that's something else we're going to have to work on while we're friends. Hey J," he said with a glance up at the ceiling, "start making a list. Call it... Project Prince of Pout." Loki looked as though he was going to protest but Tony grinned, and his expression held nothing of mocking, was simply friendly, which appeared to throw the other man off. "Nothing personal sweet cheeks, I just like the alliteration. Now, for that list, let's see... Let's start it with a crash course in 20th century pop culture, including the top... 30 most culturally significant movies in western society based on an aggregate sampling of the internet, because critic's opinions matter less than half as much as the average Joe’s when it comes to cultural significance, and... take-out. Get us a list of the 10 best take-out places in the city, each of a different ethnic style."

"Anything else, sir?"

"Yeah, tack daddy issues, self-esteem and bitterness onto the end of the list, but hopefully those will be taken care of as side effects of the rest. Don't know how much use I'll be in tackling that first one, but we'll give it a shot." Tony looked back down at Loki, who was staring at him with an inscrutable expression. "What?"

"You seem awfully confident of my acceptance of your offer of friendship when I have not uttered a single word to indicate that has been my decision. What has made you so certain I have not just used you to fulfil an urge and will wish to be rid of your company?"

"Well one, you're still laying here, waiting to see what I'll do next. Two, that was good but if you've gone without sex as long as I'm pretty certain you have from our chats, you're not likely to want to condemn yourself back to a fate of celibacy so soon and I offered you friendship with benefits, not the other way around, which you're bright enough to have picked up on. And three, I'm Tony Stark and I get what I want, and what I want right now, is _you_ ," Tony said, rolling over to brace himself above Loki, gazing down at him with a confident smile.

"I should kill you for your impertinence," Loki told him blandly.

"But you won't and not because of whatever mojo Odin cast," Tony said without hesitation, "you're curious."

"Hmm, perhaps..." Loki's gaze trailed from Tony's face, down his throat and beyond, "and perhaps I simply abhor boredom at least as much as yourself."

"Perhaps it's a bit of both?"

"Perhaps," Loki conceded and a smile quirked his lips. He gripped Tony's hips and effortlessly flipped them over, drawing a cheerful laugh from the man now beneath him.

Tony grinned up at him, "Yeah, Pep's won that bet." Before Loki could resume his sulk at the mention of Pepper again, Tony ran a hand down his chest. "She's a lot stronger these days than she was before the AIM fiasco, and she's commented before that she thinks I like having someone who's deceptively stronger than me in bed because it feeds my danger fetish. Given that every time you make a move like that, which should give someone with a lick of self-preservation instinct a moment's pause, all I can do is imagine how good it would be to get both you and Pep in my bed together... I think she has a point after-all."

By the time Tony was done talking, the smile was back on Loki's face and the mischief in his eyes was clear, "We may have to put that to the test."

"So that's a 'yes' then to the friendship," Tony grinned back.

"Yes, I suppose it is."

**Author's Note:**

> For the uninitiated, the Rabbit of Caerbannog which Tony references, is from [Monty Python and The Holy Grail](http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0071853/). If you haven't seen that movie yet, why not?!
> 
> This story was originally born from the idea of a light-hearted ficlet inspired by the SkyPlus summary of an episode of Castle back in June 2012. Along the way it gained a life of its own as I encountered sigridhr's [well thought and insightful post](http://sigridhr.livejournal.com/2333.html) on internalised racism that articulates many of the thoughts I had about Loki and his motivations better than I could at the time. Then I re-watched Thor (or as I think it might more accurately be subtitled: The Rise and Fall of the Princes of Asgard) post watching Avengers, and found Tom Hiddleston's performance all the more brilliant when watching it with the foreknowledge of Loki's actions to come. And of course there were the untold number of Loki Meta posts on Tumblr, [terresdebrume's](http://terresdebrume.tumblr.com/post/40801419158/on-loki-intent-and-expectations) and [icy-mischeif's](http://ssfrostiron.tumblr.com/post/40444485880/strategy-shift-ok-im-actually-curious-and-i-think) in particular. It got set aside at the end of 2012 due to fics I owed for other fests, but re-awoke with the approach of Iron Man 3 and as it really didn't require much tweaking at that point to make it IM3 compliant... Well, that long and meandering trail is how we ended up here at my submission to the FrostIron Big Bang.
> 
> All that said, this story is dedicated to [sigridhr](http://sigridhr.livejournal.com/) for her insightfulness, to Tom Hiddleston for playing Loki with a depth that elevates Thor beyond just another super hero movie (not that he'll ever see this), to RDJ for being Tony Stark, and to all the lovely FrostIron fans on Tumblr for being a constant source of inspiration.


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